HIGHLY QUESTIONABLE JOURNALISM
The Raccoon
Report.
A SPECIAL BULLETIN FROM THE TRASH CAN
Things that go
CLANK in the night.
The monthly newsletter nobody asked for.
Until now.
Chief Acquisitions Officer — A&A Junk.
Published 2026-10-20 · Web edition · No newsletter email was sent.
01 / FROM THE EDITOR’S TRASH CAN
A newspaper. With fingerprints. Mostly mine.
I’m Bandit the Raccoon, Chief Acquisitions Officer at A&A Junk and editor-in-chief of this highly questionable publication. My qualifications include excellent night vision, six separate claims to the same wrench, and an unwavering belief that every pile contains something I need.
Why does the world need another newsletter? It doesn’t. That’s what makes this such a bold business decision. Other editors chase headlines. I chase a bottle cap under a workbench for forty-five minutes and then describe it as investigative journalism.
October is my season. Everybody’s wearing a mask, nobody questions the rustling, and people leave perfectly good pumpkins outdoors. I’m not saying I own your pumpkin. I’m saying my legal department is a possum behind a filing cabinet, and he’s optimistic.
Welcome to Volume 1, Issue 1. The spelling is checked. The alibi is developing. — Bandit
02 / HALLOWEEN AROUND THE JUNKYARD
Leave the couch.
Keep the costume.
Six October outings around the region. All times are local Eastern time. Facts checked October 20, 2026; check each organizer before travelling for weather, availability and current prices.
Mercer
Coolspring Ranch · Fall Farm Fun
A corn maze and a hayride: two excellent ways to discover who in your group has been pretending to know the way. Family-friendly farm fun.
- WHEN
- September 11–November 1, 2026 · Fridays–Sundays
Friday 4–10 PM · Saturday 10 AM–10 PM · Sunday 10 AM–8 PM - WHERE
- 537 Franklin Road, Mercer, PA 16137
- ADMISSION
- $15 general admission; ages 2 and under free. Some activities cost extra.
Greenville
Greenville Halloween Parade
A whole parade of disguises. Finally, a place where a masked raccoon can stop explaining himself. Watch along the downtown route.
- WHEN
- Saturday, October 31, 2026
Parade starts 2 PM; town trick-or-treat follows 4–6 PM - WHERE
- Main Street, Greenville, PA 16125
- ADMISSION
- Spectator admission is not specified on the organizer’s page. Parade-entry registration is separate.
Franklin
The Moment Between
An intimate evening of eerie stories and stage magic with Rob Hoover. Objects disappearing? At last, somebody is making a respectable career out of it.
- WHEN
- Wednesday, October 21 and Wednesday, October 28, 2026
Doors 6:30 PM · Show 7 PM - WHERE
- 4849 US-322, Franklin, PA 16323
- ADMISSION
- $20 as listed. Limited seating; reserve with the organizer. Not recommended under 13; minors need an accompanying adult.
Meadville
59th Annual Meadville Halloween Parade
The Twisted Tales parade heads through downtown. Bring your costume and your cheering voice. Bandit’s already wearing his mask.
- WHEN
- Saturday, October 31, 2026
Starts 6:30 PM · End time not confirmed - WHERE
- South Main Street at Diamond Park, Meadville, PA 16335
- ADMISSION
- Free to watch, according to the community event listing. Participant registration is separate.
New Castle · a farther-out scare
Zombie Night Tours · Haunted Hill View Manor
Live actors in the manor’s dark halls. Bandit calls it “a building full of people who also refuse to clock out.” Recommended for ages 10+; stairs, fog, strobes and jump scares.
- WHEN
- Fridays and Saturdays in October 2026; remaining October 23, 24, 30 and 31
Timed tours at 6, 7, 8 and 9 PM; arrive 20 minutes early - WHERE
- 2801 Ellwood Road, New Castle, PA 16101
- ADMISSION
- Organizer advertises tickets from $33. Confirm the selected session’s total when booking.
03 / BANDIT’S QUESTIONABLE ADVICE
Dress for the job you want. I want your wrench.
Budget ghost costume: use an imaginary sheet. You remain completely visible, but insist you’re haunting on a trial subscription.
Going as a vampire? Practise saying “I would like to discuss your extended pumpkin warranty.” Nothing clears a porch faster.
Your jack-o’-lantern needs a name. Try Gary. It is impossible to be properly terrified of a vegetable called Gary.
Keep costumes clear of traffic and tripping hazards. Leave the real scares to the attractions. The raccoon may be questionable; getting home safely isn’t.
04 / JUNKYARD GHOST STORIES · ENTIRELY FICTIONAL
The Socket That Returned.
In a completely imaginary junkyard, a 10 mm socket vanished every night at exactly 11:59. By morning, a tiny note would appear: “Borrowed. Eternally.” The owner suspected a ghost. The ghost suspected a raccoon. The raccoon requested representation.
One moonlit evening, the toolbox creaked open. A pale figure rose from the drawer. “I have unfinished business,” it whispered. “So do I,” said Bandit. “Have you seen the ratchet?”
The ghost explained that it couldn’t pass to the other side until every socket was back in order. Bandit considered this. Then he handed over a coffee tin containing fourteen washers, a marble, and something that might once have been a key.
“Wrong collection,” said the ghost. “I can haunt you for a thousand years.” Bandit brightened. “Great. You can help with inventory.”
They’re still counting. The 10 mm socket has asked to remain anonymous. This story is fictional; no customer, employee or actual A&A transaction is depicted.
05 / THE TREASURE PILE · IMAGINARY FINDS
Five objects. Zero explanations.
A key marked DO NOT LOSE. Found alone. A brief but devastating biography.
A box labelled MISC. The most honest filing system in the English language.
A chair with one short leg. For the person who likes to keep a meeting moving.
An unplugged doorbell. Ring it and enjoy the peace you’ve been looking for.
A tin full of single buttons. Somewhere, a cardigan is having a very difficult week.
These are imaginary treasure-pile observations, not listings. Check Shop Our Junk for actual published items. If it ain’t nailed down, it’s inventory. If it IS nailed down, get me a wrench.
06 / A WORD FROM JOHN’S JUNKYARD
A little less clutter. A little more possibility.
A&A Junk in Sandy Lake is about secondhand merchandise, unusual treasures, junk hauling, garage cleanouts and storage-shed cleanouts. If you have something to move along—or something odd you’re hunting for—tell John.
Browse the real inventory, send a hauling request, or call before a visit to check shop hours. Every job gets John’s review; sending a request doesn’t set a price or book a pickup.
Bandit would like it recorded that allowing perfectly good treasures to leave the premises is a deeply generous act. Payment in compliments is, regrettably, not a business policy.
A&A Junk · 5015 Sandy Lake Greenville Road, Sandy Lake, PA 16145
END OF ISSUE · NOTHING TO DECLARE EXCEPT THIS WRENCH
Stay curious.
Keep an eye on your tools.
— Bandit the Raccoon